Finding Hope
by littlestmchenrys
Summary: Sans was a skeleton who is known to be carefree and lazy. He loves his brother, puns, and Grillby's. He also does random jobs throughout the Underground and now on the surface. Yet one-morning Papyrus needs to confront his brother about something Frisk had told him. That Sans needed help. This has fontcest, dark topics, slow burn, and some very sad beans. It will have fluff though.
1. Light At The End Of the Tunnel

Sans was once more on the surface. He told his brother about the sky and helped Tori 'enroll' her school. He helped Asgore capitalize the city on the surface and helped Frisk with politics. He had even set up Alphys' and Undyne's wedding.

So after a good ten years on the surface, I should be truly happy, right? I should believe that Frisk will never Reset ever again and everything would be hunky-dory, right?

You obviously don't know how my life works. My life will always be miserable no matter what's going on around me. My soul always covered in the now, almost comfortable weight that squeezed the life out of me.

I pulled out the sad little... thing out of my chest. I had thought it was bad when I was a kid with a measly 10 HP. I thought it was bad after Flowey when I had a minuscule 1 HP. Oh, I must be microscopic by know with my disgusting 0.1 HP. Not even a full HP and I knew it'd just get lower as time went on.

Right now I was enjoying one of the tiny breaks I sometimes got between my worst times. Always right when I knew I might just finally break. I'd always get a small amount of time to heal a little. I remember how my HP had been at 0.075 at the beginning of the Reset but, of course, Pap put me back together like he always did.

So now all I needed to know was, What now? My Dad turning straight up insane and a creepy void creature? He comes and molest me or inject me with Determination? Been there, already been through that.

Was it going to be a dead prince who gradually became a demi god? Who wanted nothing but to break my bones apart and use my brother against me? Oh gosh, that is so original! I would never have thought of that!

Neary fall down but become an amalgamation with my brother? Having to wander about until some one put us out of our misery? Wow! That's so awful!

I chuckle lightly thinking of how stupid I was to reach out for Papyrus of all people with my last dying breath. That I was actually good enough for that.

Don't even get me started with the time gods that were children. Nope, you can't just forget a _Genocide_ s of all things but I guess everyone else can. That or when the new ruler would basically fuck everything up until the world Reset.

Like Undyne leading us into a famine, Mettaton leading us into a depression, or Papyrus who could barely take the pressure but did a hell of a lot better than anyone else. Maybe the kid would let monsters be on the surface again?

Oh, wait I'm pretty sure that last one is going on. I pretend to think really hard about it, then let out a small huff of amusement. Yep, that was still happening.

I look down to see the determination leak out of my arm as I realize my nails had dug into it. It reminded me how I used to mark the days on my arms till the next Reset. How I was actually caught that one Reset as I had gone down a particularly bad slope in my life.

I guess Pap would be proud if he remembered. I accepted my fate and I'm not losing any more HP. Sure I probably need to declaw myself again but other than that I am doing better.

Sure I was still shit but it isn't my absolute worst. I remember back to me at my worst. The memory wracking a shiver up my spine as I remember the torture I endured from "Chara". How they... I really didn't like to think about the times Chara made him their pet. How everything would be hazy except them and the need to please them or else Papyrus would suffer the same fate with me. When it finally happened I remember how terrible it was on him, how many times he... he dusted and I could do nothing but watch as they taunted me.

I always would look back at all of my memories and it was either the same old torture or Papyrus. When Gaster would run a particularly deadly test, Papyrus was there to heal and soothe me. He kept my hope up that we'd escape and we did. It was Papyrus who'd look at being homeless like an adventure and make stories about his greatness to keep me going. Papyrus who would try to protect me from Flowey and never left my side unless he died. At one point even dusting the putrid weed. The Great and Coolest Brother Papyrus who would always be able to tame the human no matter how many tries it took.

It made them times I helped Papyrus feel better some of the best times of my life. When I had gotten Papyrus out of the labs to live with Grillby until Gaster ceased to exist. When I had bought him a toy he'd wanted and the house. When I had gotten Flowey low enough on Determination for him to lose his ability to Reset and chose to give Mercy to them. It was probably because he was giddily charging a Gaster Blaster before the world Reset itself. How he'd beam at the idea I was taking the kid out for some Frisk and Dunkle bonding. Anything I can really ever do to make him happier, or more confident, or just more himself would sound small amounts of emotion through my nearly dead soul.

The sparks of love and affection and pure adoration for my younger brother would never cease, they would be our fuel to keep going and that we were happy and safe. How when Pap would pick me up and scratch under my malleable just right to make my soul hum and soothe us both. How he could make it bubble with laughter because of his antics. How he could soften it to see another pain and trouble and most importantly who they could have been. It made me wonder who I could have been.

I knew from Gaster's notes and videos that I was... well I was once hyperactive, and bubbly, and curious. I had figured out how to use my magic at a young age and was even writing full sentences by the age of three. I was enamored by science and how everything worked. I was apparently as optimistic and hopeful as he once was. It was difficult really. That the same sweet and caring man could turn so corrupt as to... to do such horrid things to people he could have called family.

I remember seeing what Asriel and Chara once were as well. How they had made a plan to sacrifice themselves to free all of the monsterkind. How Asriel was once nothing but kind and patient and Chara. Oh, Chara would have honestly my best friend if they hadn't been corrupted by piles of LV and self-hatred. How they were the reason that Asriel could ever let them on the surface but, her sibling would fade back into a soulless husk. How sometimes I could see them talking to Frisk and trying to convince them to play a prank or something of the sort.

My thoughts were stopped as the door was slammed open and a grand shout was proclaimed from The Great Papyrus,"SANS I WILL CARRY YOU TO THE TABLE IF YOU DON'T COME DOWN YOURSELF!" Papyrus playfully chided as he crossed his arms and stamped his foot with a dramatic glare.


	2. What's To Fear?

I felt a wave of emotion and light come from my weak soul as Papyrus waited for me to respond. My bro was so cool to give me the opportunity to do stuff myself.

Yeah, to most that was just a normal thing but, with how often any and all control is stripped from me I greatly appreciated it. How people liked to use me for themselves and I'd just have to do as they want or face brutal consequences. So having the choice to make my bro surprised I had gotten up or smile fondly at me as he carried me to the table were some of my favorite choices.

I let out as long and wide of a yawn as I could, going so far as to have my ecto-tongue lick off any large bits of plague. I arched my back, my rear in the air as I popped all of my limbs and spine in a single powerful stretch. Then flopping onto my side, gazing up at my taller brother. I knew he wouldn't resist me no matter what I did but he looked a bit high strung when he walked in. His soul giving off signs that it was distressed as I made an appropriate decision. I make eye lights large as I give him the best puppy eyes I have as I curl up with hands to my chest. I knew he loved it when I did little things like this, it was apparent when he had me try on a few of Alphys' cosplays one of the few times she forgot her things or when Papyrus told me how cute and tiny I was every once in a while.

The way Papyrus would look like I was the world's most precious gem he'd ever seen was always worth doing something this embarrassing. Even if I would secretly enjoy doing it for Papyrus. The way he'd curl up around me protectively and nuzzle into me. Even if he cooed at me about how adorable and small I was, it was always worth it. The genuine compliments about how much he loved such 'little' things about me always making me feel better about myself. Papyrus stopped just in front of the table as he looked at the two chairs and the couch, sweat pouring down his brow as if he were making a life long decision.

I picked up the two plates with a little blue magic and move them toward the couch for him. Now that I was right next to him, right beside his very soul, I knew he wasn't just nervous and wanted some advice. Papyrus was nervous, yes, but this was that intense nervous you got from bringing up a heavy topic or bad news that you didn't know how someone would respond to. The kinda nervous that made you feel like you ate a bucket of lead and made a sixty-pound weight for your chest. I looked at my frazzled sibling and try to piece together what exactly he could be missing. I look at the date and nothing particularly note worthy was supposed to happen today. Yesterday I had just hung out with Frisk and the past month I had been engineering for a museum as well as trying to help produce a play for the school. I hadn't had any particularly bad fights with Linda or her prissy friends.

I glow my single glow-able eye to try and help Papyrus calm down. He looked back down at me and started to slow down his breathing ever so slightly so he was perfectly calm. What could be so bad that it was literally freaking Papyrus out? Papyrus who wasn't afraid of death them self! Was he losing his job as a police officer? As naive as Papyrus might seem he was actually quite mature. He just did it because he preferred it over being serious and stern all the time. A lot of the time he was actually just over dramatic and sarcastic. It was probably how he was able to deal with my puns without falling over with giggles instantly. Wait, Why is Papyrus so worried? The house was well paid for, I had actually paid off four months of our bills in advance, so it couldn't be money issues. If Pap did lose his job we'd still be able to live just fine. In fact, I owned some businesses so if we wanted we wouldn't have to work for quite a while if need be. Even though I was saving the money for Paps to get into a college he really wanted to go to, we could use that money to stop working for a little while.

"what's up bro?" I asked softly, calmly, but still looked him in the eye so he'd see the concern and love for him that I felt. I had put my hands on his chest to balance myself to look him exactly in the eyes to be fully sure he was up for sharing his issue.

Papyrus was a little speechless if he was honest with himself. His brother was truly an amazing monster. He was smart, funny, charming, and most of all loyal and adorable. The fact that Sans still had his 'Puppy Eyes' as he tried to take seriously that his brother was concerned for him of all people right now. That his brother always put him before anyone else and it truly astonished Papyrus sometimes. That his lazy, silly, older brother, was so kind and loving but hid from everyone... but him.

"I-I-I..." Papyrus looked away for a second feeling slightly ashamed that if what he had been told was true..." I need to just do a single check on you really quick brother, alright?"

Sans' sockets widened as his eye lights shrunk as he flinched at the request. He desperately wanted to say no, to just teleport away, to deal with his problems him self, but he knew that if he ran it would just make everything worse. Sans knew he would end up being checked one day, it had happened before. Sure it happened a couple dozen Resets ago but, he remembered the love and support that he got from it. Yes, Flowey had ruined it but the months of reassurance had done him wonders. So Sans looked to the side in shame as he gave a small nod.

Papyrus was glad Sans hadn't run like he thought. He felt bad for thinking his brother would do something like that when he just wanted to do something as simple as a check, what could Sans possibly be hiding that he would be uncomfortable being checked? Then again Sans was pretty scared about it, his whole frame rattling gently as he was curled slightly inward, his hands more firm on his chest before he moved them. If Sans was letting him do it despite his obvious nervousness it can't be too bad. If Sans was willing to let him in, it must be fine. It was probably one of Frisk and Flowey's pranks again and he'll give them both a good scolding. His brother's well being was not a joke... but then what was Sans scared of?


	3. Poor Soul

Papyrus POV until further notice.

I lightly placed my hand on my brother's chest as I looked Sans firmly in the eye. If Sans was uncomfortable or was not okay with me seeing his soul than that was okay. I always have known my brother was not confident with himself and didn't have any close friends to give him more confidence. It always made him feel special that Sans felt he could be a little bit of himself with me and no one else. Yet also upset that Sans didn't have the courage to be open about himself. Yet how I was the one Sans thought was the coolest and would brag about how great I and my skills are to others. How he'd do little things for me even if Sans himself thought it was embarrassing. How sometimes Sans would explain a particular project he'd been working on with stars in his eyes. How I could see how much he loved my praise and opinion, how much he valued it. Yet after what Frisk had told me...

Frisk had told me that Sans should get help. I couldn't understand what exactly my brother could ever need help with other than maybe making some friends or having more confidence but, what Frisk started to elaborate was impossible. How they said that Sans' soul had been particularly weak recently. I had never thought my brother's soul could ever be weak. I had always thought it was strong and powerful. Besides Sans had taught me all of the magic I know and some of the things Sans did took way too much magic to use without a powerful soul. Yet Frisk had started to cry and begged me to help him, that they couldn't see Sans with how he was right now. How they told me they felt it was all their fault.

I look at the fear trembling out of my brother's frame. Afraid of what I will find from his stats and soul, but still trusted me enough to see them because I was concerned.

I pulled slowly on the soul giving Sans plenty of time to stop me if he needed me to do so. I watched as Sans let out a small tear as his soul stood before us. I had always imagined my elder brother's soul as large and strong, yes maybe a scratch or two on it from his struggles in life but... I imagined that my brother's soul was encased in a swirl of his own blue and yellow magic like my soul did with its green and orange. That my brother's soul would be as amazing and powerful as it's owner. I had never thought it would look like this. His poor soul was mangled and discolored, the surface a deep gray and covered in deep cuts and even chunks that were missing, his magic roiling with many colors beneath the surface like it wanted to explode, some of the magic nearly flowing out but would retreat back to its origins. The soul quivered as it floated towards me.

I felt tears run down my face as I read Sans' stats, his HP a measly 0.1, his ATK at .95, and his DF... his defense at only 0.03. My eyes flicked to the text below his stats. 'Loves you very much, you're his only hope and beloved sibling.' I was his only hope. I looked to that tiny decimal and could hardly believe that my brother was in this... this much pain. I never questioned why I rarely felt his soul, because I did feel it sometimes. It felt like the purest forms of love and adoration like I was a god among mortals and Sans was a priest who worshipped everything about me. Sans had always gotten me everything I wanted and told me how cool I was and gave me advice and helped plan my puzzles. I remember when we were young how I had gone to school while Sans had gone somewhere else every day. How Sans was nine and I was only five. I remember when I was ten and Sans had brought me over to what would become our first actual home. I remember how Sans had convinced Undyne to let us into the Gaurd after days of begging hadn't worked. I remember how tired he always looked but my smile and joy would brighten his soul no matter what.

I looked at my tiny abused brother as I scooped his soul into my hands and slowly, gently began to pet my brother's core. The intent to soothe and calm and reassure him as I watched Sans relax into the gentle touch and cuddle into me. It made me think about how little I knew about Sans. I don't know where he came from. I don't know how this happened. I don't know what Sans could have ever done to deserve his soul to be so hurt. Sans couldn't hurt a fly even if he wanted to. Yes, my brother could be infuriating sometimes but, Sans was the most amazing and thoughtful monster I could ever know. He had raised me after all. If he could make someone as Great as I, then I don't see why he isn't a million times better.

"Sans," I say softly, wanting to get his attention but to not alarm him from his relaxed state. Sans looked up at me with a small content smile as he purred in my arm. He stared in a daze like trance as he seemed to be memorizing every feature of my face. I would be very flattered if Sans was not my main concern at the moment, I could preen later. "Sans, can you answer some questions for me?" I ask carefully, making my voice sound as non-threatening as possible. To my surprise, Sans sat up with a tired yet blank expression as he nodded.

"If You don't feel comfortable or don't want to tell me all of it, that's okay. We can take as many breaks as you need to and if there's anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable," I lean closer to see his expression better now that he was looking behind himself, his expression and posture suggesting he was not comfortable right now," You can just let me know and I'll do it."

Sans looked back to me, shame still filled his soul for worrying me about his health and as much as I could just disagree I want to hear Sans out first. He is my number one priority after all.


	4. Let Me In

Sans Pov~

I looked up into my brother's sincere, loving eyes. Of course, Pap's would want me to be comfortable since I am about to spill my guts to him. Pap's said I didn't have to tell him everything since... Well, this timeline will Reset in a year or so. Based on what the human has been up to lately anyway. If I spill all of it now, maybe I'll feel a little better, maybe I can heal some more before I have to go back to the usual cycle. What if it backfires though? Pap could be disgusted with me, he could hate me, he could blame himself, but this isn't the worst that could have or had happened to Papyrus. I could live with Pap hating me for the rest of the Reset and I'll know what secrets to keep on the most lock down if I ever want to tell Papyrus any secrets in the future.

I look back into Papyrus' palm, the hand that held every single thing that is me. It's ugly and broken and it oozed excess magic in small globs but... Papyrus is holding it like it would tear if he simply put to much pressure. Yet he also holds it like it was a frightened animal, and in truth, I kinda felt like one. But just by looking at Papyrus' face I could tell that he would wait for me to be ready and he wouldn't interrupt unless I needed him too. I knew I could count on Pap if I needed him and he has always come to me when he needed anything. Papyrus told me his deepest fears and secrets, and trusted me with every single one no matter how personal or frightening, why can't I do the same? I'd trust him with my soul, my very being, the one thing a Reset can't fix, why not with an explanation as to why I had such low HP? An explanation of why I was such a failure. Why I was so weak and worthless?

I swallowed more oncoming doubts and anxieties as I curled up next to Papyrus in his arms, twisting myself so we laid just like we used to in the labs. I relaxed in his hold and felt for the pulse of his soul. The bright, strong waves of intent and magic familiar and calming. "You know... this kinda reminds of when..." I stopped. What if Papyrus began to remember just like me? What if telling him will drag him down with me? Paps is a lot stronger than me in just about every way. I knew this from the very beginning, how Papyrus would have lasted so much longer than I did in these loops. Pap would have still kept going strong, Pap wouldn't ever need me, But I could never make him suffer the same fate as me. I would never ask for him to. My thoughts were put on hold as Papyrus had me look him in the eyes again.

I hadn't even realized I had been burning holes into the couch cushions as Papyrus tried to soothe the soul still in his palm. How he put how much he loved and cared about me into his touch. How he wants to help me and that I was safe with Papyrus because it's the Great Papyrus. The Great Papyrus was great at everything and that included him keeping me safe, even if I was scared.

I felt tears roll down my face as Papyrus tried to encourage me to go ahead, that I could tell him anything and he'd listen and he'd make it better because he already does. "Sans, I want to help you in any way possible. I need to help you, no matter what I would have to do. Sans, the only way I can help you is if you tell me what's going on. I want to see you smile, and laugh, and be able to enjoy life, even more than I do," I felt emotions start to well up as Papyrus kept going, my soul yearning for the possibility of such things," I want to take care of you like how you took care of me. It wouldn't be the same but, I want you to be truly happy. I want you to experience life to the fullest and have all of the friends because you deserve them." Papyrus smiled brightly at me as tears rolled off both of our cheeks, our eyes glowing for each other.

"Please let me in Sans," Papyrus' voice hushed and reassuring but the plea to know, to be able to do something was still there. I sniffled and let Papyrus wipe away my tears as he tucked me into his hold, his hand curling around my soul. I can't let Papyrus down, it was the one thing I couldn't do even if I tried. Then again I would never try to let Papyrus down.

I try to compose myself so, I could hopefully get through some of this conversation without breaking down. He let me calm down, as I tried to match Papyrus' deep calm breaths until we gradually become in sync.

Okay. I was going to just tell Pap everything this time. The Labs, The Timelines, The Experiments, all of it. I was gonna get this all off my chest and see if this was a huge disaster or not. If it is, I will live, and Papyrus will be fine. If it's not... Maybe I can be okay this Reset and Papyrus can be happy that I trusted him with my secrets.

Where do I even start with all of this? I could start at the beginning, obviously but... I should definitely warn Pap about this stuff, right? A warm hand is placed on my shoulder and starts to massage the tense joint and the fingers start to lightly knead the surface of my soul. I take a deep breath, yeah I'll warn him first.

"Pap?" I called out meekly, Papyrus nodded for me to continue so I take another deep breath. "Pap, what I am about to tell you I have told no one. No one knows about these events except me and a select few that I did not pick. What I am going to tell you is messed up on a lot of levels and you can ask questions and stuff while I talk," I sighed trying to make this as painless as possible, " Pap this is gonna go into before you were born and some crazy stuff I will explain when I get to it. I... I ended up having to do things I didn't want to do a lot and, I have been put in a lot of positions where I just simply couldn't escape and some of it... some of it is still happening now. So Pap I want to let you know what's up with my soul and it's really complicated, in a lot of ways that might be hard to understand and believe." I stop as I wait for Papyrus' reaction to my warning.

"You can start whenever you feel ready Sans," Papyrus says one more time, and I really want to say that I'm not but, then again who ever could be ready for something like this.


	5. The Beggining

Still Sans, splits to Papyrus because I have no control. You'll know when the switch happens. Also Rape and Medical torture sooo, don't look at flash backs cuz that's the dark shit. Also cursing, that's also a thing.

* * *

I took a deep inhale and looked into Papyrus' eyes. They were filled with love and acceptance. The deep, small inky pools reassuring as he gave me a nod. He never ceased to amaze me with how he always put up with me.

"There was a Royal Scientist named W.D. Gaster. He was a close friend of Asgore's and would do whatever it took to solve any of Asgore's problems. So Asgore asked Gaster to find a way to break the Barrier and other serious issues in the Underground that Asgore cannot solve by himself and the Gaurd. So Gaster decided he needed to make weapons to break the Barrier."

I cringed at remembering him, how he was so kind and enthusiastic. How he was just one of the sweetest, dorkiest people you could ever meet. How he had turned into someone else entirely. I went on though.

"This is where I come in," I explained to Papyrus who had stayed quiet for me.

"I was one of the two experiments to make a weapon that could break the Barrier. Pap, you were the other half of the experiments. We were made to kill and destroy humans left and right without another thought. One day though Gaster realized we were sentient he had said it was too late to turn back by then though. The experiments were excruciatingly painful. The injections could have melted us, the laser had blown up my skull once, and as time went on Gaster started to go mad."

* * *

 _Gaster had stumbled into the lab that day, at the time I had no idea of what kind of danger I was in, all I knew was that Gaster smelled and was acting funny. The Doctor was always on guard, uptight, and rarely ever smiled. I had only ever seen three sides of the doctor and all of them spelled pain. I would never have thought that pain can be caused in ways that didn't actually hurt until after Gaster was finished with him._

 _"GET THE FUCK OVER HERE!" The Doctor shouted at the tiny skeleton. Sans had never been so afraid in his life. Gaster never yelled. Gaster was too uncaring to yell. Gaster had to be very very mad to yell at him. What did he do though? Sans didn't remember acting out at all recently. Gaster continued to shout about how 'OF COURSE IT'S USELESS' and 'THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!' as they worked their way into one of the experimentation rooms._

 _Gaster said nothing else as he brought Sans to a metal table and clumsily tightened the straps so that Sans couldn't escape. He laid on the freezing table as he watched him. His creator mumbled something in an undecipherable purr as he stared at Sans with a terrifying gaze. It was more intense than when the Doctor was watching for a reaction or daring him to escape. It felt like he wanted to break the tiny heart in the most amusing way possible._

 _He then moved to what Sans had presumed was to turn on the laser or to get supplies for whatever he wanted to do. Sans grew more and more fearful of what might happen as he didn't hear either happening. Okay, Gaster didn't always use the laser when he was on the table, and he wasn't going to get another injection. More and more fearful thoughts filled his head as he waited for the Doctor to do something, anything!_

 _When he finally saw Gaster, he wore nothing but a lab coat and a feral smile, the real torture had begun that day_.

* * *

 _Gaster continued to argue at the air as he had me strapped down. He yelled and screamed at the air as he got more and more upset. He shook and cried in distress but still stomped and swung his arms in the air threateningly._

 _"IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"_

 _"I CAN'T FIX WHAT I'VE DONE!"_

 _"THEN WHY DIDN'T **YOU** DO SOMETHING!"_

 _"IT'S THIS OR HE WILL SUFFER! WE CAN'T LET HIM SUFFER BECAUSE WE FAILED HIM!"_

 _He kept screaming and screaming and screaming until he stopped. He stood and smiled at me with the most carefree and joyful smile I'd ever seen on anyone that wasn't Papyrus. The main difference was that my soul didn't sing like when I saw Papyrus, it cowered and cried as Gaster began to ruthlessly carve into me. As he told me it was all my fault that he had to do what he did, that it was all my fault that They were suffering, that I did it on purpose and deserved everything that happened to me._

 _I could never bring myself to say he was wrong._

* * *

Sans shuddered at the memories of Gaster slowly losing himself and losing his virginity, he brought up his small hands to try and stop more tears from flowing from my eyes," I think the worst he did was... r-rape me, right after an experiment... honestly Gaster wasn't too bad compared to others, he could have been worse," Sans said with a breath of amusement that bubbled out of him unwelcomed. He peeked through his hands to see Papyrus who had a look of horror on his face as he clutched at the small skeleton a little painfully. The way he draped himself over him like he was trying to protect Sans from his own past and demons comforting, even if that was impossible.

"H-he wasn't the w-w-worst?" Sans hated himself for the way Papyrus trembled with his words.

" Yeah..." I hesitated but I knew I'd be telling him the rest later, "He had at least at one point had done it for a legit reason and felt bad about what he did." I stopped not knowing whether or not to continue.

I knew Papyrus could handle what I was telling him, I just wasn't sure if I could handle telling him. I was starting to second guess myself, questioning how good of an idea this was. I went on, making sure Papyrus knew there was more because he deserved to know.

"Most of these others did things that were worse than what Gaster did just because they could do it, Pap. I know that it's not something to be okay about but, seriously I'm fine-" He was cut off by Papyrus' finger on my mouth.

"How many." Papyrus' expression was serious and cold as he stroked Sans' skull his grip loosening on both the fragile soul in his hand and the small brother in his arms.

Papyrus could barely believe that this was how his brother was treated not long after he was born. That someone would do something so awful to a child, let alone Sans! That Sans had to endure such cruel and disgusting people and say it wasn't that bad. That it was Okay!

In his opinion, No it wasn't that bad, it was the most horrid thing a being could ever do.

How many people hurt Sans? How many years had Sans been hurting? How many times had I heard Sans have nightmares of the terrible acts that happened to him and let him cope by himself? How many times had Sans wanted to tell me? To let me in, for me to do something but was simply held back by fear? How many times could I have done something? How many people did I need to have beg for forgiveness and make up for what they did to Sans?

I wanted to ask all of this and more as Sans told me the very beginning. I don't even think that he was finished telling me all of the things he endured in 'The Labs'. I don't even remember any of these things. I remember a lot of things but there was nothing from before my brother and I were homeless children.

If this was what happened in the years I don't remember, I honestly don't blame myself for wanting to forget it.

I look down at my brother. My brother who was kind and intelligent. My brother who would never do someone wrong and always did what he thought was right. My brother who was hurting so badly and finally reaching out.

I put my hand on the side of Sans' face and carefully wiped away the tears that had sprouted from his eyes. The beautiful white spheres looked at me in sorrow and need, and I was happy to provide them with whatever they wanted. To shower them in everything the world could ever possibly give them, to protect them from ever being harmed ever again.

"Sans, do you want to keep going?" I ask quietly. I would not push Sans for such personal information if it would hurt him. I wanted Sans to feel better. I wanted Sans to feel safe and happy and carefree. I never want to make my brother feel uncomfortable or scared, he didn't deserve to feel such awful feelings after everything he'd gone through.

Sans nodded and began once more.

"Gaster did quite a few things other than," Sans hesitated, and I gave him an encouraging smile, "Th-the one's I just told you a-and..." Sans stuttered as he shook with a shudder that raddled his bones.

I rubbed soothing circles into his tiny soul my intent still clear and strong as I listened to his woes. Sans kept going.

"He had done many experiments and tests. We were to become sentient weapons after all. That and apparently Gaster was curious about what skeletons other than himself were like." Sans explained with a small amount of humor in the last sentence.

This Gaster was also a skeleton? I mentally inquired. I didn't know whether that information should be revolting or something else. That I shared the same species as such a terrible person. Then again Sans is also a skeleton so I guess that he was just misdirected. He had something happen to him to make him this horrible person Sans was making out. I listened intently to Sans and everything that his soul projected.

"So he wanted to give me..." Sans paused to figure out a word that would fit. His face scrunching up in one of the most adorable ways that I would have appreciated more and maybe teased about if Sans wasn't so distressed.

"He gave me modifications."

* * *

 _Sans screwed shut his eyes as he braced for Gaster to bring over the needle. He thought he'd finally figured out a way to block out the pain but either way when the needle pushed its way into his arm he flinched._

 _His body stayed tense as he waited for the first effects from whatever was injected into him. He could feel how the sludge crept through his arm and spread across his bones leaving a tingling sensation in its wake._ _Sans cautiously opened a socket after a few minutes of the sensation. Gaster hovered above him writing down observations._

 _"How do you feel S-1?" He asked in his usual monotone voice._

 _Sans responded automatically like he always did after he learned it was best to cooperate. If not, the doctor would start the experiments on Papyrus._ _"A tingling sensation that has spread through my body starting from where I was injecteEEED!" Sans' eyed bulged as the tingling sensation became a sharp biting frost._

 _Gaster simply tilted his head in observation at the obvious show of distress. He wrote some more notes, then asked without looking up his usual questions._ _"S-1, What number are you?"_

 _Sans desperately tried to think clearly enough to rate the amount of pain he was in. It was definitely worse than the Perseverance injection._ _The pain was blinding but tried to force out an answer. All that came was a garbled sound as Sans withered in growing agony. The biting cold was being amplified by what felt like magma flowing through him._ _Sans quickly couldn't comprehend anything but his frozen body and the blistering marrow that flowed through him._

* * *

I raised a brow in question, not trusting myself to speak until I absolutely had to. The feelings the soul was projecting so strong I was getting images of events that did not happen to me, but to Sans. The soul trying to help explain how much pain it was into me. Sans caught my gaze and went on to elaborate as I stared at the soul. No matter how nervous Sans was he had decided to go through with his decision. No matter how hard and scary. Even if he thought it wouldn't matter in the end.

"Th-there..." Sans took another aching breath," There were a lot of in-injections, like wh-when you go to th-the doctor to get a-a shot, just more painf-ful." Another breath, the rubbing changed direction.

"He also... He also cut me open a couple dozen times, he had wanted to make it so I was more... dog-like, but realized it wouldn't be possible without killing me. After he realized that he had implanted a new row of t-teeth."

* * *

 _Sans sat in front of the laser but, didn't worry about the foreboding device at him. What he was worried about was the table next to the chair he was strapped in._

 _Surgical knives, drills, as well as a bunch of metal pieces and tools. All of them pristine like almost everything else in the labs. They all gleamed menacingly at him from their place on the silver platform._

 _What was Gaster going to do with those? He couldn't help but wonder what would happen this time._ _Was Gaster going to put something in him? Was he going to take him apart? Was he going to die this time?_

 _Sans was brought out of his musing by the tapping of The Doctor's shoes hitting the tile. He listened with growing dread as the tapping got closer and closer. The steps were even and had perfect tandem as they echoed through empty halls. They continued their pattern until he saw Gaster stand beside him._

 _His original feeling of waiting for his doom was amplified ten times when he saw the small smile on Gaster's face. The smile that would always haunt him whenever he saw it. The one that spoke to him about every time he was in the deepest throes of blistering pain and misery._

 _Sans was frozen in place as Gaster started to place the metal bits in his jaw. His teeth parting farther and farther until Sans was sure one of them was about to snap off his skull. The pain in his mouth bringing him out of his trance._ _His thoughts stalled to a stop when he felt Gaster take one of the knives and press it into the inside of his cheek right behind his teeth, then doing the same on the other side. The blade twisting so to create small notches in its wake._

 _Sans barely reacted to the knife, the pain it caused was sparse compared to most other pains. In fact, it was actually comforting in it's own way. It was the pain he was waiting for and it wasn't even enough to actually hurt him. His bones began to relax as the tiny blade dug into the notches, each twist sent a tiny spark of pain that relaxed him more and more. He was almost asleep when Gaster took a small drill and placed it in the notch._


	6. You Are My Everything

I tentatively watched as Sans opened his mouth. His jaw opening slightly and then a tiny click was heard as I saw an entire row of fangs fall over Sans flat teeth with a seemingly loud clack. I didn't do anything but, stare. I never knew Sans could do this. I have lived with Sans for my entire life and yet I barely knew anything about him. I didn't know Sans was hurting so badly and I ignored that there might actually be something wrong. I had ignored my duty as Sans' brother and Sans got Tortured because of it.

Everything the tiny soul was trying to project came slamming into me as the five or so memories lodged themselves into me. Everything that Sans had thought and felt and saw residing in phantom like waves. As if these things were simply realistic dreams that I had remembered and not things that had scarred my brother. Things that I had just let happen, and couldn't stop even if I had been there.

I trembled as the teeth went back into his mouth, disappearing as if they had never been there in the first place. Sans squeezed our joined hands reassuringly as I forcefully slowed my breathing. I stare down at my older brother's eyes that held so much pain and despair but was over thrown by Sans' concern for me. It hurt so much to know how much Sans cared about me even though I could never do anything, then again maybe I do help Sans in some way? That somehow without knowing it, I made Sans feel a little better even though he was in so much pain. Maybe?

"Do I ever make you feel better Sans?" I ask earnestly, my eye lights burning brightly as tears flowed in streams from my eye sockets," Do I help you feel better?" My usually confident voice breaking. I need to know if I can help him. If I could ever be able to help him because I want to save him so badly. I want to take away all of his pain even if I wasn't able to before.

Sans seemed shocked at my question. His mouth stood agape and his eye lights mere pinpricks in his void like sockets, then it turned into something stern and serious as Sans shifted in my lap so he was at eye level with me and grabbed hold of my shoulders. His soul glowing dimly beside his head as I shift my embrace into something more like a hug so Sans could do whatever it was that he was so determined to do.

Sans voice was stoic and honest as he told Papyrus exactly how much he helped, how much he needed him.

"Papyrus if it wasn't for you I would have given up a long time ago," Sans said completely serious as he looked me in the eyes. The statement left me shocked and upset. Sans would have given up if not for me? Sans would have given up trying to achieve his hopes and dreams, to be loved and happy if I hadn't been there? I melted under Sans' sincere and loving eyes as he continued.

"If you didn't come into my room every morning to get me to work, I would never leave my bed. If you didn't make me your amazing cooking or tell me it was time for lunch, I would never eat. If you didn't tell me about your day, or puzzles, or anything you are passionate about, I would never know that such optimism, or passion, or confidence could exist. If you didn't smile at me or scold me or just care about me," Sans looked into my eyes with his own, his eye a bright cyan with wisps of blue and yellow as his soul resonated so much gratitude and love it was consuming.

"I wouldn't ever know what it feels like to smile, or what it was like to be loved. So to your question, the answer is yes. You are the reason I manage to get through every day no matter how hard or awful or even boring." Sans says with a pure smile, his eye becoming a brilliant shade of green.

The 'You are my everything.' went unsaid by Sans as he nuzzled into my shoulder, but the tiny, shriveled soul had whispered the words as the low dim glow brightened slightly. The green wisps of happy magic soon leaving after a few seconds and whatever light the soul had regained dissipated as Sans curled into me.

Sans stared at the couch once more. I could tell he was debating with himself again. I took the time to wait for him by thinking over what just happened.

I was concerned for my brother's health. I truly and honestly was. Now though, Sans' physical health was not as concerning as his mental health. Sans had said that there was more. More that had happened and that they were worse than these experiments and acts that were forced on him.

From the flashes that I had gotten from Sans' soul, I felt that these things had seemed normal to him. How these were simply part of his life and that was how it was, even though it had hurt and broke him. That the tiny heart was used to such pain and suffering, the cracks and scars that covered it proving how 'normal' it was. Yet it also showed pictures of me in a paper thin gown healing Sans' wounds, cuddling his smaller form as I told him it was okay, me telling him of a world that we weren't sure existed but would one day run away too.

I was glad I helped. I was so glad I was able to comfort him during times where he needed it most. Just like now, Sans in my lap as he had his arms wrapped around me. Sans still being so small and now I practically swallowed his form.

Sans looked back into my eyes, his mind now made up. I could tell in the determined way he stared at me and how he sat up straight like he was about to face his darkest fears and... that couldn't be more correct.

"You... you get the gist of how the labs went right?" Sans asked me nervously his eyes scrutinizing the cushions again as he fidgeted with his fingers. I nodded smiling softly at him. I was proud of him, I truly was. The feeling filling my soul as it grew. Sans was being so brave for me and I appreciated it greatly. I was glad Sans didn't lie to me, he never really did, he may skirt around topics or issues but I was proud that he was facing them with me now. I wanted to make sure he knew that before he continued.

Sans swallowed dryly before preparing himself to speak. "We escaped when I was nine and we had been homeless for a couple weeks before, I know we were homeless much longer than this but... this was before that."

I was confused, how could we have only been homeless for a few weeks? We had been homeless for about three years before Sans had the money for a house in Snowdin. I was impressed by how smart my brother was for a nine and ten-year-old. He had always been smart and had gotten a job. That was impressive for a child of his age and background. I remember this so distinctly yet Sans was telling me there was a before?

Sans had noticed my confusion luckily. "I'll explain that after this."

He then went on, "We had ended up being adopted by Grillby actually. He was patient with us and when he found out what had happened to us he tried to help as best he could." Sans said fondly. His soul resonated warmly of memories of Grillby and myself. It was strange to see the fire man teaching them to read and what objects were. It was even stranger to see him playing and caring for me and my brother for what seemed to be a few years. Yet I remembered none of this. Not a single one of these things were in my memory.

"He had taken care of us for about six years. He had taken us to school, made sure we were happy, even helped us with nightmares. It was honestly the first time in our lives we had felt safe and happy," Sans seemed nostalgic as he spoke but his face soured at the end, making me concerned about what happened.

"Gaster had apparently been working on making better versions of us in his labs. One day I had gone to the core and messed with something in one of the power rooms. When he went to the core to figure out what had happened I confronted him. I wanted to know what had happened to him, see if he changed for the better or get revenge or something. I can't really remember why I was there but I do remember what happened next."

Sans steeled himself and looked me in the eyes with the most serious and dark expression I'd ever seen on my brother.

"We ended up fighting. He had tried to blast me after he recognized me. I had managed to dodge it but gradually started to attack him after a couple more of his own. His mistake had been choosing the power room of the core to battle. One of my bones had sent him flying into the pool of magic and it had caused a collapse in the time space continuum."

I blinked at Sans owlishly as I processed this. The soul projecting the event was doing little to help me as I saw the man and my brother throwing attack after attack at each other. The memories were becoming clearer and more distinct the longer I held onto the soul, the phantom pain of bones slashing into him, the energy that was in the air like electricity, the blood pumping in his bones as his life was on the line.

Sans had caused time and space to collapse. That has to be one of the coolest things I'd ever heard but I was also worried about the effects of doing such a thing. What did it mean to collapse time and space? Sans was willing to answer these questions.

"This had caused time to Reset itself, the amounts of magic, the amount of Determination in me and the core, Gaster falling into the kind of stuff that he did. It caused a huge chain of events. I had tried to pull him out of the core the second he had fallen in but it had been too late. Some of the core's magic had fused with my own and allowed me to remember the Reset. It also made it so Gaster survived," I cut Sans off, "HE SURVIVED THAT!" I was actually pretty ashamed that I had cut my brother off but he simply giggled and continued.

"Gaster did survive but he isn't at the same time. It had mostly wiped him from existence and put him into a place called The Void. There are some things left of him such as his notes, the labs, his house and us. I have seen him a few times but he can't exist physically here. That's also why us getting adopted by Grillby technically never happened, we weren't adopted by Grillby in this timeline," Sans closed his eyes and let out a sigh before looking back into my eyes and cupping my face.

"Pap, these Resets are going to become a very important thing that I'm gonna need you to remember. They had become a huge part of my life and will explain pretty much everything. These Resets are some of the worst things in my entire life. You will never remember anything that happens during any of these Resets and it is both a blessing and a curse. We have seen the surface at least a hundred times, we have done millions of different things a million times. We have died, found love, and accomplished our life goals and the only difference is that for me it's only temporary," Sans stopped and looked off to the side, his soul telling me how frustrated he was and just how much these Resets affected him.

I hugged Sans close and rubbed circles into the upset soul. This Reset thing happened again? How many Resets have there been since then? How many times had Sans been in this exact situation? How many times had I done this? Has he ever done this before? Had he ever come to me about this or had he kept it to himself? I couldn't imagine what Sans had to go through with these Resets. Was Gaster causing them? Was it random or controlled by someone? Was there a way to stop them? I didn't know what to think of them but I knew Sans would elaborate. He was upset and that was to be expected with how personal and sensitive this information was. After we're done I can make us a big meal and we can just watch TV with all of the blankets and such.

Sans turned back to me and continued his admittedly long speel.


	7. Resets

"There have been hundreds of Resets. We didn't have any after Gaster until Alphys had done something in her labs. That something ended up being Flowey. Flowey ended up with the ability to Reset after coming to life from a DT injection. I can't Reset because I have more than just Determination in my soul, I have a lot of traits in there that make it so my injected Determination is balanced out with the other traits. Flowey only having Determination allowed him the Reset ability."

"With the ability, Flowey had at first befriended everyone. Helped everyone in the Underground, got chummy with everyone, he was the most beloved monster in the entire mountain. This had been a fake though since he had no soul and was only a soulless flower that was covered in a monster's dust and filled with determination. He was limited in feelings but he had gotten bored with playing nice after about thirty or so Resets," Sans looked away as his anger bubbled but he kept going.

"He had done a lot of messed up stuff. He had killed monsters, kidnapped them, and even turned them against others. He even did it to me and you," Sans had tears brimming in his eyes at the last sentence and I honestly could barely believe what I just heard.

If not for the soul in my hand and just upset Sans was from it I would have backed up my 'friend'. The things the soul was showing me were... revolting. How Flowey had teased Sans about not finding me fast enough so I didn't die, Flowey... raping me and my brother, even going so far as to enslave us because he got a kick out of it. I didn't think anyone could have been worse than Gaster but... I was proven wrong. This was someone I had thought was my friend, someone I could trust and talk to. Now I will always remember all of his sins every time I see him and when this is over and Sans feels better I will talk to him. I will make sure he is aware of his sins and apologize at the least. I would rather kill him but that was not an acceptable thing to do and neither was beating him up.

"His last Reset happened hundreds of Resets before when he was too low on determination and well. You had lost it on him. He had gotten me that time and he was bored, he had done everything he could think of and when you nearly killed him he Reset. After him, Frisk was given the ability to Reset. Frisk had done the same thing as Flowey but not because they were bored. Some bad magic had gotten a hold on their soul and it had caused them to do things they really regret. It latched on to their negative emotions and intent and focused their Determination to act on them. When they found out I remembered the Resets they were devastated but the magic had latched onto their morbid curiosity making me their main target," Sans stopped and I truly could not blame him. The memories that were showing themselves were blinding and were like knives that pricked at me.

Both the human and Flowey killing off every monster in the Underground, them taunting Sans about my death, Sans emptiness and despair from having to relive hundreds of these. It was nauseating to think that Frisk of all people would do such a thing but I was once more deceived by them. The memories of Frisk once the taint took fully over made me want to kill them slowly and beg for their own death. How they had Tortured Sans, raping him, feeding him dust, carving into him, even humiliating him in front of the entire Underground. I couldn't believe someone could ever go so far, that someone could ever do something like this infected by magic or not.

I curled around Sans as I was drowned in memories. I didn't even realize my soul had gone to Sans' until it was too late, out souls touched making them share everything with each other. Every single memory we were remembering, thought we were thinking, feeling we were feeling, we knew it all and it was overwhelming!

* * *

 _Flowey moaned as Papyrus was pounded into by a thick vine. Sans thrashed and chewed into his own vines nearby, the sweet sap making him feel nauseous as he could do nothing but watch the cynical scene. His limbs wrapped tightly and his mouth gagged as he was stimulated. He knew he should submit, it would be so much easier to submit and get it over with but his blinding rage that someone was hurting Papyrus in such a way, his little star in the dark. He fought with all of his might until Papyrus was right in front of his face, dripping with a golden liquid and a debauched look in his eyes. His entire being was frozen as watched Papyrus loose himself to the sensations inflicted on him. He still whimpered and cried but his soul being trapped in my ribcage and the simulations that were done to his body had made him comply and Sans had never felt angry in his life. He wanted to blast the smug face right off that flower but his soul being pressed and restrained in his chest by more vines made it impossible. He wanted to fight more and more but he knew he would be next. Sans soon to was taken over by addicting pleasure._

* * *

 _Papyrus made dinner as he worried over his brother. Sans didn't want to spend as much time with him as he used to. He understood the Sans did have multiple jobs and got tired but he still thought about his tiny older brother. The noodles swirled in the pot as Papyrus mused on if Sans could possibly get any lazier..._

* * *

 _Sans sat in the snow as he held his brother's dusty scarf. He felt so empty it was actually funny. He thought about how insane he must look as he giggled, clutching the scarf he only giggled more. The bubbly laughter only grew and grew as his despair and pain clouded his mind, tears streaming down his face as he laughed and sobbed and cried helplessly. Papyrus had died again and it was all his fault. Sans couldn't remember how many times it had happened and how many times he himself died soon after but he knew it was a lot. It was hilarious in the most fucked up way. It had happened over a hundred times but he still didn't stop it from happening, his light still died and he didn't do a thing. Sans cried and laughed for hours as his magic built up into a gasterblaster and once it had fully formed. It fired._

* * *

 _Papyrus knocked on Sans' door in the middle of the night. Papyrus had been asleep but had woken up from a gut feeling that was telling him to check on Sans. He was distressed to hear Sans quietly crying inside the room. He didn't know what to do. Should he go and comfort him or let him cry it out and leave him be. He knew Sans didn't want him to see him cry or be upset but he wanted to help. After he heard the crying stop he left and went to his own room, laying in his bed unable to sleep as he wondered what could have possibly upset his brother so badly._

* * *

 _Sans dodged the silver blade as he battled the human. He felt another chill go down his spine as they smiled their sick smile, their eyes filled with playfulness as they jumped and skirted past his attacks. How each attack made him feel more and more exhausted, the feeling of his magic being drained from several blasters and a maze of bones. Everyone was once again dead, every single monster was dust under his feet because this thing just wouldn't stay dead. Yet here he was, fighting with all he had in this hall and going through his usual script as he dodged the dusty knife and threw more of his magic at them. Why was he doing this again? Why waste time with playing their demonic game again? He didn't know but maybe so he could annoy them and- Sans was defeated. Sans felt as his body began to disintegrate painfully but there was a promise of peace at the end of it. He was surrounded by a welcomed dark only to wake up where he started._

* * *

 _Papyrus listened to Undyne as she explained how she helped Alphys out of her depression and anxiety. How Alphys would sleep a lot and barely take care of herself, how she was losing the will to live before she had met Undyne. He had thought how lazy Sans was and maybe there was something hurting his brother only to dismiss the idea. His brother was the strongest, nicest, and smartest person he knew, if Sans was in a jam he could get himself out of it and if he needed help he knew he could go to him for help. He knew Sans would._

* * *

 _Sans laid in the worn dog bed as he was supposed to. He knew if he got up he would get in trouble and if he got in trouble they would Reset and if they Reset Papyrus would also be their pet. Sans was not going to allow Papyrus to be stuck in such a situation, it was his own fault that he was here and Papyrus was dead after all. He felt pain lace his soul as it yearned for Papyrus to come and comfort it but knew Papyrus wasn't going to come, Papyrus was gone and he hoped it stayed that way if Papyrus would be treated this way. To be humiliated, broken, and violated. Sans curled into himself quickly as he heard the front door open to the house with the dreaded voice calling for him. He got up and crawled down the stairs, sitting at the feet of his breaker. They pet him and he wanted to vomit as he felt the dust on their hand cling to his skull, he barely caught what they told him as they made their way to the living room. Sans followed, his soul screaming to run, to escape, to just die right there._

* * *

 _Papyrus carried Sans home once again, his brother heavily intoxicated as he babbled how much he loved him and that Papyrus was the best thing to ever happen to him in his whole life. Papyrus himself preening under all of the praise, he always loved how highly Sans thought of him and even drunk spoke of him like a god, it was endearing and adorable how much they loved each other. Papyrus happily listening to Sans slur out how he was great and his star light. That was until Sans started to cry and apologize, Papyrus tried to comfort his now sobbing sibling but nothing he did seemed to help. Papyrus' soul sent comforting waves as he simply labeled the outburst as his brother being drunk. He simply continued to comfort Sans and got him some water then letting Sans sleep with him._

* * *

 _Sans sobbed as he heard Papyrus beg for him to save him in the next room. The human and the weed wanted to have their way with Papyrus and he knew if he went in there they would make Papyrus feel a thousand times worse. That did not stop the guilt that was eating away at him as Papyrus continued to cry out and scream, he could hear them laughing and bouncing ideas off each other on how they were going to hurt him next. I wanted to stop them more and more as they played with each idea, stretching Papyrus out until his bones popped out of their sockets, fucking him until he would even fuck Sans, seeing how much damage they could cause until he dusted, having him come in to hurt Papyrus himself, all of them making Papyrus beg for them to see how wrong this was only to be laughed at. His soul felt like it would shred itself to pieces because it was his fault Papyrus was in that room in the first place. If he just let them do what they wanted to him if he had just excepted his fate Papyrus would still be dead and being dead was sure as hell better than this._

* * *

 _Papyrus didn't know how Sans had done it but some how he had managed to get himself stuck in his blankets on his race car bed. He had been training with Undyne and when he came home he found this little goblin twisted in his sheets. He had helped them out of the tangle of cloth and bone but he made sure he laughed a lot before helping, that was what good brothers did after all right? Sans did not share his amusement however and had tears in his eyes as he pouted. I had scooped up my little goblin and cooed over him just like I knew he liked. I told him about his itty bitty hands, his big snowy eyes, how he was one of the most adorable things I'd ever seen with his pouty little lip. I then told him my surprise of finding a little bed goblin trapped in my room and asked them if they had seen Sans by any chance. I described my brothers smiling face and how he looked a lot like him, I was happy to see a small smile on Sans' face as I took him to the kitchen. I was confused by him promising that he'd make something up to me but let it be, it was just Sans being his weird little goblin self._

* * *

 _Sans laid blankly in his room in Snowdin. It was the middle of the night but he couldn't sleep, his arms covered in bright red as he dug his claws into the bone. The pain that blossomed from his actions were welcome as his mind was filled with thoughts that weighed on his soul. He deserved the pain and his mind reminding him how useless he was, how he was a failure, how he was a burden and a danger to his brother. He was selfish to think he should stay with him, he was only getting Papyrus killed, he had even gotten him tortured but he was still too selfish to let Papyrus go. Sans agreed with every statement, he should just go die and let the Reset go on without him, he would only hurt everyone around him if he didn't but the fact Papyrus might get hurt again anyways kept him there. It was hilarious, he thought, a smile and a chuckle bubbling out of him as he realized it didn't matter if he lived or died because they would just Reset again anyways. He was their favorite toy. His broken mind stewed up all of the possible ways they could break him this time and he just continued to giggle quietly to himself because he knew he deserved it, he wanted to pay for his sins and was willing to do anything to keep Papyrus safe. His soul heavy with guilt and self-hatred as he fell into a fitful slumber._

* * *

 _Papyrus cried as he listened to his brother one night. How he said he was worthless, unworthy of his love and affection, he was only burdening him with his own self. Papyrus had stormed into the room and told his brother how much he loved him and cared about him. He told Sans how he made him the Great Papyrus, that without Sans he wouldn't be so great. He heard Sans disagree but Papyrus insisted that Sans was what made him as great as he was, if he hadn't believed he was the Great Papyrus or wasn't there to remind him he would no longer be the Great Papyrus. He would be The Average Papyrus and that did not sound as cool as The Great Papyrus. Sans had snorted gracefully as he hugged Papyrus close, Papyrus could feel the love for him fill his brothers soul as they stayed up talking about his greatness. Papyrus was happy to help his brother and would never stand to hear his brother say such horrible things about himself._


End file.
